Have You Thought of Your Relationships Patterns?

Most of us have learned that truly falling in love is that moment when we lose ourselves when we want someone so desperately that we cannot be without them. Because of this idea, many have also learned that if we do not feel this way, it is a sign that this is not the right partner. 

I was also a believer of this false reality until I stepped into somatic trauma healing and learned about attachment. I had to face that when a need is so desperate as in the love story above, it is actually not love; it is a longing for someone who can fulfill our unmet childhood needs. This kind of intense relationship works perfectly during a few month’s passion, but later this often leads to an emotional breakup or a dysfunctional relationship of co-dependency. 

I was constantly feeling attracted to intelligent men who were emotionally unavailable. This was a mirror of my own fear of being met on a deep level and my longing for feeling seen by my father and brother. 

I left this pattern and instead I was feeling ready to be loved and dared to go for someone who really wanted me. However, instead, this person actually desperately needed me and I became codependent. 

Now I often feel sexually attracted to similar people as before, but I notice it and choose to not go into it. Instead ”new types” are appearing; more mature, present, and people who can listen.